Ships in the Night
by hundan
Summary: Why did they have to be like ships in the night, passing by every opportunity they had to do something, wasting so much time? Because they're not meant to be in love, they're not meant to have these feelings.
1. Chapter 1

**This Fic is dedicated to Costi because she is so amazing and it's her video that inspired me to write this. You must all check it out (I'll put the link on my profile page). Fully inspired by her video and somewhat loosely based on it. Please enjoy!**

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><p>It hurts, it really does. The fact that <em>her <em>silent opinions matter so much. She hasn't said anything to him about EJ but he knows how she feels about her, she doesn't like her, she can't really stand her. And it's not the fact that she's jealous of her, he doesn't really know if she is, his eyes and his heart tell him she is but his brain tells him that that's not the case. She doesn't care _that _much about him. But maybe he's wrong.

She doesn't like EJ because there's a certain vibe Ziva has seemed to pick up on. He doesn't know if he should be worried or not because he's been oblivious to it and her ninja senses are better than anything. Maybe EJ isn't all who she seems to be, but at the moment he doesn't see anything hinky with whom she is. The main reason it hurts so much to what Ziva thinks is, well because Ziva means a lot to him and anything she thought -he hopes she doesn't know- but it all affects him.

He doesn't know how to describe his partnership with Ziva but it is _different_ to say the least. He never could put a word to it, they are co-workers but they are friends, they are friends but they are closer friends than the normal, they are close but they argue, they argue but they get jealous, they get jealous but they don't do anything about it, they don't do anything but they want to. It's hard to define something so important.

They waste so much time, they never do anything about what they feel and truly want. And it's not just her fault, he knows he's just as much to blame for the fact they never do anything. He procrastinates, try's to pass by these emotions like a ship in the night, because he shouldn't feel them. He shouldn't be in love with his partner.

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><p>This morning his morning was great. He didn't wake up alone, he woke with a beautiful woman in his arms, EJ. He hasn't had a relationship that lasts longer than the time span of a box of cereal in a long time, and he's sort of missed having someone there to have around, to hold. He'll never admit it to anyone but he loves comfort, he loves to touch and to feel the presence of someone close and just <em>there<em>, with him.

EJ was giving him some of that comfort that he's been missing. But he can't help but feel that niggling feeling that she's just like everyone else, just not right. There is just _something_ missing. Maybe it's the fact she has blonde hair and not brunette, because he's always honestly preferred brunettes. But he knows in a woman hair doesn't really matter, it's just the _right_ woman would have dark hair.

Maybe she's not feisty enough, maybe she's not deadly enough that he knows she can't kill him with a paperclip, because even though it scares the hell out of him, he secretly loves the way a woman can get under his skin like that. He knows one woman who can but he won't bring that up right now.

Maybe her smiles not right, she's not exotic enough. She can't speak to him in ten different languages just to irritate him because he doesn't really know what she's saying. Maybe it's the fact her body doesn't feel right against his like it's meant to with the one you truly love, and maybe there's a bit too much of his male side speaking when he thinks that she doesn't have the ass he knows he loves in a woman. Because he is an ass man after all.

But yet he still holds on to EJ, not because he thinks she's the one, he knows she's not, but he needs something in his life. He's tired of being alone and for now, she's the one helping him not be alone. Hey, he might never let go if he can't be graced with the one who's right for him. He's not getting any younger these days and he just doesn't have the time or youth to go bar hopping for one night stands all the time. That's not him anymore. He's changed.

The elevator dings and that signal's his stop, the doors open on his floor and he walks out. He knows he probably has a certain step to the way he walks this morning because last night was a good night, and even though he's changed, he's never going to outgrow sex. He greets McGee and Ziva with a certain cheer in his voice and they don't have to ask to know why he's so cheerful, they know he's with EJ.

As he puts his things in their draws and takes his seat he can feel Ziva's eyes heavy on him. He try's to ignore them, try's to forget that whatever she was thinking right now that had her staring at him like that means more than it should to him. But in the end he had to give in to her, he lifted his head and immediately locked eyes with her. He doesn't know why he stopped himself from looking at her like this when he first walked in, when she looked at him like this, it was a strange feeling that had his heart beating to a new drum.

"You had a good night, yes?" she stated, a smile gracing her features. He felt as though the smile was slightly forced, she wasn't really happy that he had a good night last night. But she was trying to make herself _believe _she was happy for him.

"As a matter of fact, yes, yes it was" he replied, a smile on his own lips. He was happy about last night but the way she was looking at him, he felt slightly guilty. He shouldn't be guilty about anything, she has her Ray of Sunshine after all.

"That is good, you look happy" she stated. He was happy, but not happy enough. He just smiled at her and gave a little shrug.

"I guess" he replied. She watched him, she knew there was something he wasn't telling her. Maybe he wasn't as happy as he seemed with EJ. There was something that bugged her about EJ but she wasn't sure what it really was, maybe he was starting to feel that too. But before she could reply with a question Gibbs blew into the bullpen and ordered them to 'grab their gear'. This conversation will have to happen later.

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><p>And as always the conversation, it was forgotten and they go back to the happy, back and forth banter and smiles. Like there wasn't a heavy shadow over them, that they weren't jealous of each other. But it was easier this way, just not to think about it.<p>

"Falafel for my Zee-vah" Tony states as he places her lunch on her desk in front of her. The smile she sends him back is real, much more real than the one she gave him this morning. He wheels his chair over, taking a seat at the side of her desk, much closer than if he was opposite her. Much closer than he should but they've never had a problem with personal space.

"When did I get so lucky?" she replies, opening her lunch to find it just how she loves it. And she ignored the fact he called her _his_ Ziva, and he's glad she did because he hadn't meant to, it had just slipped out.

"You're always lucky" he replied, smiling brightly at her when she laughed softly. He loved her laugh, it was perfect.

"I would not say _that_" she smiled, taking a bite of her lunch.

"Hey, I always get you lunch" he replied, loving the way she was looking at him right now, smiling at him. She reached over and grabbed herself a couple of his fries.

"When I ask" she stated, giving him a cheeky smile as she ate his fries. He pointed at her.

"You didn't ask for that, those weremy fries. And you're _lucky _I let you have them" he said. She chuckled. Reaching over and grabbing some more of his fries. He grinned, he reached out and grabbed her wrist as it hovered over his lunch. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"If you don't let go, I will not stop myself from breaking your wrist" she said. He knew she was joking, the light in her eyes never lied. He leant in closer, his face right by hers.

"Sweetheart, if you were going to break my wrist I would already be on the floor crying. And anyways" he leant in a little closer, he could feel her breath on his face "You were the one stealing _my_ food when I brought you your own" he stated, smiling down at her. The fact that she hadn't pulled her hand out of his grip -which she would be able to do no problem- had him smiling even more. And she smiled right back. He slowly let her hand go and leant back a bit, not as much as before.

"You can have it back" she stated, lifting her hand that had a few of his fries in, and brought it in front of his mouth. Was she about to feed him his own food? She was grinning at him right now and she raised an eyebrow, wondering if he would go as far as to let her feed him. Why would he ever give up that opportunity?

He leant in and watched her carefully with a big smile. When he got close he didn't even break eye contact with her, he let her feed him. He didn't mean to when his lips slightly grazed her finger, but all of a sudden his heart was pounding harder than ever and he couldn't help it. She hardly leant back when he'd gotten his fries back, she was still in his personal space.

"Better?" she asked. He nodded, laughing softly, trying to slow his heart rate down.

"Yeah. Do I get to feed you now?" he asked, seeing if she would play along. She chuckled and was going to answer him -he was sure she was going to say yes- she was very playful right now and that was a really good thing, but they were interrupted. EJ had walked into the bullpen.

"Hey guys" she had announced and Tony and Ziva had abruptly pulled back, they shouldn't have been that close, not with Tony's girlfriend right there, honestly they shouldn't be that close anyways. EJ didn't work in this building anymore so there was only one reason why she was here. For Tony.

"Hey EJ, what are you doing here?" he asked, screwing his brow in confusion. Had she said she was coming? His eyes quickly flickered over to Ziva and he saw her backing her chair away from his, a small frown on her face now. And he had seen her little eye roll at the presence of EJ. He hated how much she didn't like EJ, it pained his heart to know it.

"I sent you a text, but you might not have got it. I wondered if you wanted lunch, but it looks like I was a bit late" she stated pointing at he and Ziva's lunch on her desk, smiling slightly. But Tony knew she wasn't saying something. Maybe she'd seen more than he had wanted her to?

"Sorry, we've been busy all day. We're lucky Gibbs even gave us a lunch break" he stated, standing from his chair and wiping his hands on a napkin. He smiled at Ziva, letting her know he'll be back. He knew she saw it but she didn't pay much attention, he knew she was happy five minutes ago and now, she wasn't so much.

He walked EJ around behind the stairs where they could talk in private. He knows Ziva won't want to hear him talking to her.

"Did you still want to get lunch?" he asked. She shook her head.

"No, it's ok. You're busy and you're on a case. We can do something later" she replied, she placed her hand on his shoulder in an assurance. He could tell something was bugging her right now.

"Are you sure?" he asked again. She nodded.

"Yes, you can just go back to your lunch with Ziva" she replied. There was something in the way she said that that had him knowing exactly what was up now. She was jealous.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked slightly softly. Would she admit to him that she was jealous of Ziva?

"Nothing" she replied. He reached out and placed his hand on her arm.

"You can tell me EJ" he said. She sighed and avoided eye contact with him.

"I'm worried" she announced.

"What about?" he asked.

"You and Ziva" she stated. Why was she worried about them? What had she seen? What was it she thought?

"What about us?" he asked, giving her arm a gentle squeeze so she would look at him. And she did.

"You don't think that I don't see the way you look at her? That smile you give her and no one else?" EJ asked. She wasn't mad or angry at him, she was disappointed, she wanted that to be her.

"She's just my partner EJ, there's nothing between us" Tony stated. Was that really true? He couldn't really believe his own words.

"Don't lie to me Tony" EJ said quietly. She was staring at him, in the way where she wanted information from him. And he couldn't help but thinking that the way she did it was so different to the way Ziva did.

"I care for her, I admit that. But there's nothing going on between us, she has a boyfriend and I have you. We've never been like that" he said. Yes, they have never been like that because they wasted that time. But god, he wanted that, he'd always wanted Ziva but never had her. EJ just nodded.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have thought anything" EJ admitted. Tony thought that maybe she should, because his feelings for Ziva, as much as he didn't want to admit it, would always be stronger than his feelings for her. He hated himself for being like that.

"It's ok. Dinner tonight?" he asked, sending her a smile.

"Ok, I would like that" EJ replied. And was it bad to say that Tony was more excited about the way his lips grazed Ziva's fingers before compared to the small kiss that EJ gave him goodbye? His problems were worse than he thought.

When he got back to the bullpen Ziva was quietly sitting there on her computer, every now and then she picked at her lunch. He walked up to the front of her desk, staring down at her. He knew she could only avoid his gaze for so long. And when she looked up, he felt guilty. She had been so happy before. He reached out, going to tuck the loose strand of hair hanging in front of her face behind her ear. He didn't get so far. She grabbed his wrist before he got there. Her eyes were upset and her grip on him was almost at the point that it hurt.

"Please Tony, just don't" she pleaded quietly. He knows what she means, they shouldn't be so freely intimate. He shouldn't touch her like this because neither of them should be doing it. And she'd only realized this when EJ had walked in on them before. She let go of his hand and he held onto it, rubbing it a little.

He didn't answer her he just nodded quietly. Now his nice happy day had turned upside down. His gaze broke from hers and he picked up his lunch and wheeled his chair back to his desk. He tipped his lunch out, all of a sudden he wasn't hungry, he just felt really down, upset. He dropped down into his chair and looked across at her. She was staring at him, with something in her eyes he couldn't be sure of. Regret maybe? Heartache? Sadness?

Then she excused herself and quietly walked off. He knew she was only leaving because she couldn't take the weight of his gaze on her like that, not when it was so heavy. He sighed and buried his hands in his hair. How does the mood between them become so erratic? First she was jealous, then she was happy and laughing because of him and now, now she was upset looking, disappointed. Why did they have to be like this?

Why did they have to be like ships in the night, passing by every opportunity they had to do something, wasting so much time? Because they're not meant to be in love, they're not meant to have these feelings.

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><p><strong>You all must watch the video link on my profile and her other videos, I highly recommend doing so, she is my absolute favourite person on YouTube and she should be making movies. She's such an inspiration to my writing. So go check her out! Like right now! :)<strong>

**I hope some of you like this story so far, I shall have the next chapter up soon! **

**Hundan. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all so much to the response you gave this story, all of you who alerted and reviewed, you all made my day. I hope you all checked out Costi's video too :)**

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><p>The next day irritation rose within Tony because Ziva wouldn't talk to him. He didn't know why she wouldn't, maybe she was trying to avoid him because she didn't want to have to say no to him. To tell him not to touch her like he really wanted to. He basked in the moments they shared of the too personal and too close. The risky ones. And when he watched her head to the bathroom in the afternoon, he gave her a few minutes and then followed.<p>

He walked into the bathroom and let the door close behind him. She was at the sink, doing something to her hair and her eyes snapped to him as soon as she noticed who it was. He didn't say anything he just walked to the stalls and made sure they were all clear. They were, and so he walked back to the door and locked it. She was quiet the entire time. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up at her.

"You're not talking to me" he said quietly. She was looking at him in the reflection of the mirror, her back to him.

"I'm not, not talking to you" she stated. Going for the defensive just like he knew she would. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and took a step closer to her.

"You're only talking to me when its work related. Ziva, what have I done?" he asked. He wanted to know what it was he did so he could change it, he hated it when she didn't talk to him. Ziva dropped her head and looked down at the sink.

"Nothing" she lied. He could tell. He didn't have to see her face to know that was a lie. Another step closer.

"Don't lie to me Ziva" he stated. She must have felt him move because she lifted her head and turned, facing him, locking eyes with him.

"We can't do this" she whispered. As soon as she did her eyes left his again, dropping to the floor. He knows why she does it, it's because she knows he can read her better when he can read her eyes. It's always been his window to the truth with her.

"Do what Ziva?" he asked, he couldn't help but take another step closer so he stood right in front of her. When he did she raised her eyes, settling them on him again.

"You know" she stated. He had an idea what she meant but he wanted her to say it, because he didn't want to stop anything.

"What, be partners?" he asked, seeing what he response to that was going to be. A rage ran through her in a second, it washed over her features so fast. He'd hit a sensitive spot.

"How could you even say that?" she raised her voice incredulously. If he came in here planning to calm her down, he hadn't done so well. God he was stupid sometimes.

"Well you need to give me a clue Ziva because there's nothing that I want to stop" he explained, his voice a notch higher than before.

"What about EJ Tony? Don't you think you owe it to your relationship with her to stop this?" she asked. She knew he knew what she meant now. They had to stop the closeness between them, the inappropriate touches, they can't push the boundaries like they used to because they both had something important, they both had someone else that they were meant to belong to.

"I don't know how long that'll last" he replied quietly. He was only being honest, it's what she wanted right? She looked at him like he had just grown a second head, he was contemplating checking.

"What happened to the new changed Tony? The one who doesn't change his women like his pants, the one who last week had legitimate feelings for EJ" she stated. When had he said he ever had feelings for EJ? Maybe she watched him more than he thought she did, maybe she knew more than he did. He cares about EJ and yeah, he guesses he does have feelings. Just not enough because they were stating to fade.

"Maybe she's not the one" he said quietly. His gaze on her was heavy.

"What changed your mind?" she asked.

"When you spend enough time with someone you realize things, you'll know if they're the one or not. I've had enough time with EJ to understand that she just doesn't _fit_" he explained. Since when did this become a discussion on his personal life with EJ?

"Well then who is?" she almost whispered. He raised his eyebrows at her.

"You really want me to answer that question?" he asked. She shouldn't have to ask.

"No" she replied, somewhat sharply. And that sort of hurt, the way she bluntly shut him down like that. They were doing it again, they were avoiding what they really need to say. As always.

"So to get this clear, what is it we can't do? Because I think the conversation has gone off track from that a little too much" he almost snapped at her. They were arguing again, he wonders how long the after affect will last from this one. And she just stares at him, she can't say it.

"What Ziva? Just tell me and I'll stop" he stated. He knows she won't be able to say it. Why? Because honestly he knows she doesn't want it to stop. She likes it just as much as he does. She just knows that even though how much they like it, they just _shouldn't_.

"Tony, do not do this" she whispered. She knows she doesn't have to say what it is they have to stop, he knows. He's just being an ass about it.

"I'm not doing anything Ziva, you're the one who wants to change things" he stated. Her eyes bore into his. He was starting to get on her nerves.

"Tony I'm with Ray, do you know what that means? Just because you might not want to be with EJ anymore doesn't mean I'm going to drop everything I have just to…just to flirt with you. It's not worth it" she growled. It's true, all they were doing, and had ever done is flirt. It was never taken further than that. She didn't think it ever would, because they were them and it's just what they did. Nothing.

"What if I-" Tony began but she cut him off.

"No Tony, I do not want to hear it. Just stop it ok? Just don't" she pleaded, slightly pushing past him and heading for the door. She couldn't take it, she was suffocating in the air in here, it was too heavy with rage and bottled emotion for her. She felt claustrophobic right now.

"Ziva" he called out gently. She didn't turn and look at him and when she reached the door he grabbed her arm. Sometimes, having ninja reflexes was a bad thing. She flicked her arm back, just to shake his grip from her, she didn't know he was that close, she didn't mean to elbow him in the nose. At his yelp in pain she turned around. When she saw what she had done, she felt guilt flood her whole body.

"Tony" she said gently, taking a step closer. His hands were clutching his nose and red seeped through his fingers.

"Don't bother, just leave me alone" he mumbled through his hands. She ignored him and took a step closer but he shook his head, taking one back. She was hurt at that, she hadn't meant to do it. She didn't realize it, how much she was hurt right now and then a tear slipped from her and ran down her cheek. She couldn't stop it, she was really hurt right now. He'd seen it and he was in more pain, why did he have to say no to her?

She turned and disappeared and he was left standing in the women's bathroom with a bleeding nose and a heart that bled even more.

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><p>He hadn't come in for the rest of the afternoon and Gibbs had sent them home before she got a chance to see him. Gibbs had let him go for the day, she didn't know what his excuse had been but considering Gibbs hadn't looked at her in a suspicion Tony must not have mentioned her at all. Even when he was mad at her he still didn't put her down, he didn't purposely put her in trouble like he surly could have.<p>

And she's sitting in her car wondering, should see go talk to him? She didn't mean half of what she said today. She regrets it because if she really thinks about it, Tony's much more important to her than Ray. She's known Ray a year, Tony six. Even though her relationship with Ray has gone further than hers and Tony's has ever gone, she knows that the one share's with Tony means more than anything.

She decided that it's worth a shot. He will either tell her to go away or listen. She just wants him to know that she was sorry. And she didn't care what Gibbs' rules said about it either. She made her way out of her car and headed up to his apartment. She saw one of his neighbors and they said hello to her, she replied in a cheerful gesture. The people he was surrounded by, she knew them, because he was just that important to her. She was that involved in his life.

When she made it to his front door she leant her forehead against the wood, taking one last deep breath before knocking. She promises to herself that whatever is said if he lets her in, she will not argue. They do not need to fight anymore, she was drained from the heartache that doing that with him does. She's had enough anger in her life and she doesn't need anymore, she doesn't want anymore, not with _him_.

She hears footsteps from inside his apartment and when they stop she knows he's looking at her through his peephole right now, deciding if he wants to let her in. And when she hears the clicks as he unlocks his door she knows she's lucky he's chosen to talk to her. She doesn't really deserve it.

The door swings half open and he blocks the way, he's not sure if he'll let her in let. He's standing there with a blank expression, not sure what to say or think. He's dressed down, in an Ohio State Football shirt and sweatpants. And she knows that shirt, she's worn that one before. It just hurts to think that they can be so close but then they can crumble so fast, and when they do it's at a catastrophic level. She can also see the slight bruising to the side of his nose under his eye, she hopes he doesn't hate her.

"Can I come in?" she asks quietly, sifting from foot to foot. She's never been so nervous, so unsure. He stares at her for a moment and she's wondering what exactly it is he is thinking.

"Ok" he replied softly. He stepped aside to make room for her, giving her that welcoming space into his apartment. She took a few steps into a home she knows almost as well as her own and stops. Normally she knows where to go, she doesn't become unsure where to go in a place she's this welcome and comfortable in. And before she can decide his bare feet are quietly padding against the floorboards in the direction of his lounge. She decides to follow.

He seats himself on the couch, leaning his feet on the coffee table in front of him and lifts a bag of peas and places it on his nose. She's feeling guilty again because it looks like he's been sitting in that place with that bag of frozen vegetables since he got home. She doesn't know if she should sit or just stand here, because he's watching the television and it's as though she's not even there. But after she just stands there for a while and says nothing, his eyes finally move to her.

"Please don't just stand there and look lost, you're never like that in my home… and it hurts to watch you do it" he said so quietly she almost missed it. The raw honesty in his voice had her heart drumming at a different beat. She made her way over to the couch and she knew his eyes were on her the whole time. She sat down quietly, not as close as she normally did. He noticed that but didn't say anything. They needed a bit of space after today.

"What did you tell Gibbs?" she asked softly. It had been on her mind all afternoon and maybe, just maybe, it would be an easy way to start the conversation she knows they will have to have if things between them want to be _ok_. And he knew what she was doing, he always did.

"That someone opened the door in my face. I think he believed it" Tony stated. She couldn't help but smile lightly at the easy ring to his voice with that sentence, and when she turned to him he had a small smile. His smile always took some of the tension in the room away, and maybe he knew that. Another silence hung between them though and she knew she would be the one to start this, she needed to apologize.

"Tony…I am sorry about earlier, I did not mean to elbow you in the face and I feel so guilty" she began. He pulled the bag of peas down from his face.

"It's ok, I know you didn't mean to, and it's not too bad" he stated, pushing his nose a little but wincing because it did actually hurt. And the fact he had accepted her apology so easy after how mad he had been made her confused. Why must he be so easy on her? He should be harder on her for what she does to him sometimes. She moved slightly and he watched her, watched her move to her knees on the couch right next to him as she brought her hands up close to his face. But after today, she looked down at him.

"Can I?" she asked. If this was any other time and they hadn't had World War Three today she would have gone ahead and examined him without permission, but it wasn't any other time. And he just nodded at her. He closed his eyes when her soft fingers made contact with his skin, she wasn't touching his nose yet, just feeling around his cheek bones gently.

It amazed him really, how much she knew. This is exactly what Ducky had done, but he didn't think she needed to know that. This was much better than when Ducky did it. Because it was her fingers gently touching his skin, and he lived for that. And after today, he was even lucky this was happening right now. That they were so close and she was touching him so gently.

Her fingers moved their way around to his temples, to the top of his eye sockets where his eyebrows were.

"It doesn't hurt?" she asked.

"No, that's ok" he replied and then her fingers continued. He felt them get softer and then she gently touched his nose, he winced with pain and her touch left him. He slowly opened his eyes and he hadn't realized how close she had gotten, her thigh was pressing against his leg.

"Nothing is broken, just a bit of bruising" she explained "I am sorry" she repeated. Yeah, he was sore, and yeah she had hit him in the face but it hadn't been intentional. He hated how sorry she was for doing it. It just showed him how much she actually cared, no matter how much she tired not to let it show. He reached out and softly clasped his hand around her forearm.

"You do not need to apologize, you are forgiven" he stated, smiling slightly in hope to lighten the mood some more. And if he knew how much he affected her, he knew his smile would be infectious on her. She always seemed to smile back at him. She did smile at him, and she didn't move or pull away. But her face did grow serious so he knew what she said next would be important.

"I am sorry about today, yesterday. I should not have said anything, I realize that some things are how they are and they shouldn't be changed. And…if Ray cannot accept my close relationship with you, then I do not think he should be a part of my life. Because you are a part of my life that I hope will never go away" she admitted. And it was heavy for his ears to take in but once he was able to process her words, he knew she was right. He nodded at her and moved his arm out, an offer. She noticed and easily she softly fell against him, her head resting on his shoulder as he pulled her closer into his side. He knows he wants more than what he's getting but he will live with it, because they are back to how it was and she's hugging him right now.

"I am sorry too. I do not like to fight with you and if EJ cannot accept this, she does not want me for who I am, because you are part of who I am. There's no denying it" he admitted. Her hand that she had rested across his stomach curled around his shirt and she nodded against him. They were a part of the other and anyone who they are with needs to accept that, that or just don't bother. And at this time in point they were ok with where they are, they weren't ready to change yet, they weren't ready to admit that they wanted each other in a capacity deeper than they have now. But they both silently hope that time will come, sooner rather than later.

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><p><strong>The next installment will be up soon. <strong>

**Hundan.**


	3. Chapter 3

They'd had a hard case this week, one where a young Navy officer had been killed. It was the fact that it had dragged on into the second week and that the evidence had been about as minimal as the sleep they got which is what made it a nightmare. And Ziva had taken it hard, more so then the rest of them. She didn't think they had noticed, but he, Gibbs and McGee had all seen it. But Tony is the only one who knew why without having to ask. The Navy officer who was killed, she had an older sister who had been the victim's sole caregiver since they were little. The sister was very emotional at the news of her little sister's death.

The reason why this hurt Ziva so much? Sometimes you get those cases where it's so familiar to something in your own life that it hurts. And Tony knows that throughout this week a lot of what Ziva was thinking about was Tali. He knows that's what had got to her.

When they were let go Ziva was the first one gone, he hadn't seen her leave so quickly before. He shared a ride with McGee down to the garage, he could tell McGee was concerned. He knows that even though he's not as extremely protective of her as him, McGee cares a lot for Ziva. McGee is like a brother to them both. And on the ride down McGee had turned to him and asked if he thought one of them should check up on her.

McGee notices more than he used to. And when Tony agreed and McGee asked if he wanted to do it, Tony thought that maybe McGee notices more than he thought he did, he read the look his Probie gave him. He _knew _Tony was the one Ziva would turn to for comfort if she needed it. So Tony nodded and clapped the Probie on his shoulder, letting him know that he'll text him later when he finds Ziva. That he'll let him know she's ok.

His first stop had been at her apartment, but she wasn't there. And there was only two other places he knew she would be, because Ray wasn't in town so the third place -the one he had no control over- wasn't a factor. She'd either be at Gibbs' house or at the bar, the one they always go to. He decided to try the bar first because if he showed up at Gibbs' house looking for her, Gibbs would be worried. Tony didn't even know if Gibbs knew about Tali, not in the way Tony did anyways. Ziva had never talked about Tali to anyone else.

He hadn't been to this bar in a while, not since the eyeball-in-the-drink incident. But as soon as he walks in he knows he's not leaving, she sitting at the bar by herself, nursing a drink. You shouldn't drink alone like that. And he wasn't going to let his partner drink alone. He walked over and quietly took the seat next to her. And she didn't turn her head to see who it was, she knew it was him. Maybe she was expecting him to come all along?

He signaled at the bartender to get him a drink before turning slightly in his seat to look at her. She had her hand on the straw in her drink, slowly stirring the liquid within her glass.

"I know I've told you before, but you really shouldn't drink alone" he said quietly. She took her eyes off her drink and turned her head to look across at him.

"I'm not alone, you showed up, didn't you?" she said, smiling lightly at him. So she had expected him to come.

"If you'd wanted me to come you could have let me know where I was meant to be going" he replied lightly, smiling back at her. She shrugged.

"I wanted to be alone for a bit, and I knew you'd find me eventually" she replied, taking a sip of her drink.

"That predictable huh?" he asked. She nodded.

"Most of the time, yes" she replied. The barman placed his drink in front of him and he nodded a thank you before taking a sip. A small silence hung between them for a short moment before he gathered his thoughts and made his lips move and ask her what he needed to know.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly. He watched as she continued to stir her drink slowly but didn't look up.

"Yes, it is just hard when bad things from the past come up again and make you remember things that are tough to think about" she replied. She didn't have to say Tali's name for Tony to know what was going on in her mind, she knows Tony already knows why she's been upset this week. Tony brought his hand out and placed it over hers, stilling her hand as it stirred her drink. She lifted her eyes and looked across at him, what he had wanted.

"You know I'm here for you, right?" he asked quietly. She didn't miss the fact his thumb slowly brushed back and forth along her knuckles. She nodded at him.

"I can always count on you being there Tony, you've always been there for me" she began, smiling softly at him "Unlike some people…" she mumbled on the end, finding herself frowning at the table between them.

"What do you mean?" he asked, not really understanding what she meant by the end of her comment. Who wasn't there for her that she needed?

"It does not matter" she stated, pulling her hand from under his and not looking at him. He reached out and placed his hand on her arm, turning her to face him. When she looked up at him, he spoke.

"It does matter Ziva, to me. You can tell me anything" he said, bringing his hand up to the side of her face and brushing her loose curl behind her ear. She smiled at the gesture. He always loved doing that to her, she didn't know why but he always seemed to do it. She stayed facing him but her eyes flickered away to the side while she spoke.

"It does not help that Ray is never around. I know I have you and Gibbs and everyone at work but Ray is meant to be the person I go to outside of work, that I go home to, but it's never like that" she suddenly admitted to him. She knows he's jealous of Ray but this was something he wanted to know, so she was going to tell him. She brought her eyes back to his and watched his face for any sign of emotion. She couldn't find one there, he seemed blank.

"How often is he away like that?" he found himself asking. He wasn't going to get jealous, now wasn't the time for that. In this moment his friend, his partner was looking to him to console in, look to for comforting words and advice. It's what he was going to give her. Ziva was slightly surprised at his calm question, his honest interest.

"If I am lucky, I might see him once or twice a fortnight" she replied. Really? That's all the time she gets to see him? Tony didn't think he could have that sort of relationship with someone, it wasn't enough.

"Why is he gone so much?" Tony asked. He had a good guess why, his job.

"He's always off doing things for work overseas and across the country" she sighed. He was right, being CIA wasn't all it's cracked up to be when you're trying to have a relationship with someone.

"You find it hard?" he asked. The topic had deviated from the original reason they had both ended up in this bar, they weren't thinking or talking of Tali anymore. He wondered if the distraction -even though it wasn't the best subject to talk about- was a good thing because it kept her mind off the time when she lost her younger sister.

"Yeah, I do. I don't want something so…it's not like he's not trying but it just feels as though I am not as important as his job. I understand that, I really do, but I feel as though I want something more, I want something _there_, something more regular. I want to go home each night and spend it with someone, not alone" she confided in him. He thought this was good, she was opening up about something very personal to her.

"I know what you mean" he said as he looked down at his glass, swirling the liquor around. Her eyes lifted and settled on him, he could feel her gaze focused on him.

"Is that not what you have with EJ?" she asked quietly. How was it they had come to talk about their relationships again? It was such a big distraction between them, the person their partner was sleeping with. He shrugged.

"I haven't seen EJ in over a week" he admitted. And he hadn't, he'd been avoiding her and he didn't know why.

"And she hasn't said anything about that?" Ziva asked, knowing that if she was in a relationship and he had not seen her in over a week, she would think something was up.

"Well yeah she has, she called me a few times but I just told her I was busy with work" he replied. She frowned slightly towards her drink at his confession. He wasn't meeting her eyes right now.

"Tony, if you do not wish to be with her you should let her know. It's unfair to her" she said, turning her head to face him. She watched him sigh before he turned his head and looked at her.

"I know, I just…" he stated, but he couldn't say it.

"You don't want to be alone" she finished for him. She could always read him, she knew what he wanted. He nodded slowly.

"I just don't know if I want to let go, you know? If I let go I might not get anyone else and I can't stand being alone anymore, I've got nothing to show for my life besides my job. And I want more than that" he admitted. She knew exactly what he meant, she wanted the same thing, she was having the same problem. She wanted more than just her job to show for in her life. She reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder and his eyes locked with hers again.

"Sometimes we just have to let go, even though what we are left with after is not what we want. If it doesn't feel right, you shouldn't hold on to false hope" she told him, and she couldn't help but think she was in the exact same situation as he was. That Ray was really, in the end, false hope. Tony's eyes were watching her, reading over her words. She was right.

"I know. All I'm ever going to have is false hope though" he stated, his gaze leaving hers and he downed the last of his drink that he'd hardly touched. She didn't want him to go into a downfall now, she knew if he left her and went off on his own his night would end in a bottle of alcohol.

"No you will not Tony, you'll find someone" she stated, trying to reassure him.

"I'm tired of trying to find that someone" he stated. Tony was breaking, she could see it. He was no longer strong enough to play the lie that he was fine and had a perfect love life. Because he was far from the happy face he likes to parade all the time.

"Are you telling me you're going to give up? On your own happiness?" she asked. She was trying to get him to realize that he can't give up, that he has to fight for what he wants.

"I'm not giving up, I'm just not going to keep looking anymore when I don't need to" he said, looking at her in a way she didn't quite understand. What did he mean by that? He turned in his seat a faced her more fully.

"Can I ask you something Ziva?" he stated, staring down at her with an intense gaze. He was serious and his question would be just the same.

"Yes?" she replied, unsure what she was supposed to expect right now.

"Do you love Ray?" he asked calmly. That was definitely something she hadn't expected him to ask, that was a _very_ personal question. But did she even know the answer to that? If she did would she tell Tony? Would she crush his heart if she were to say yes?

"What does that have to do with anything Tony?" she asked softly, not snapping at him like he expected.

"It means everything Ziva, more than you know" he replied. Sometimes she wonders why they lie to each other about their feelings, because when he looks at her like _that_, suddenly she realizes just how much he truly cares for her. It's more than he should.

"Why? Why does it matter so much to you?" she asked. Would he really tell her? Or would they fall upon the same response like always, denial, lies. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, sending it in all directions before looking back at her. Not tearing his gaze from hers for a millisecond while he gave his answer.

"It's hard to watch you love someone else" he said quietly. That was hard for her to swallow. Someone else? What did he really mean by that? Not what she thinks he meant, right?

"Tony…" she said quietly, trying to avoid his gaze but it was hard because he wouldn't tear it away from her. She looked up and held his gaze, she could see there was something he wanted to say, god, she could see it in his eyes. His feelings were raw in front of her right now and he was on the verge of letting them slip, she just knew it.

"Please…don't tell me you love me" she breathed out. Were her hands shaking or was she just thinking they were right now? She'd read him so clearly, he hadn't flinched a muscle.

"Even if I mean it?" he whispered. He reached out his hand and placed it over one of hers on the bar between them. It was so warm around hers that she didn't want him to let go, she never wanted him to let go.

"It's too much Tony, we can't talk about this" she replied, looking down at their hands when his thumb began brushing along her knuckles.

"What? Are you saying we can't talk about how we feel?" he asked. Never before had they wanted or ever thought about sharing how they feel, they work together and things would just get complicated. Maybe it was inevitable though. His hand tightened around hers when she tried to slip it from his grasp, she gave up trying to pull away after that, he wasn't going to let her walk away right now. And maybe she shouldn't.

"We haven't talked about how we feel for the past six years, why the sudden change of heart?" she asked, looking back up at him. He had no barrier between himself and her. He was letting her see everything right now. His grip around her hand tightened a little.

"I'm afraid of loosing you, I have a feeling I already have" he confessed. There was a small pain in his eyes, he thought he'd lost her. She knows why he's not looking for anyone anymore, no one can replace the one he wants. And she now begins to realize that the one he wants, is _her_.

Ziva didn't really know what to say, what would you say in a situation like this? She has a boyfriend and here is her partner of six years -the one she has deeper feelings for but would never admit because they shouldn't and it wasn't a good idea- and he was trying to confess his love for her. She was speechless.

He must have read it on her face or something because his hand loosened around hers and he stood from his stool at the bar. She watched him carefully, she didn't know if he was going to walk out all upset because she wasn't saying anything. She really had no idea. He silently smiled down at her with the softest smile he'd ever graced and he brought his hand to cup the side of her cheek.

"If I have lost you I only have myself to blame, Ray is lucky to have you in his life. I don't want you to think this change's anything between us, you know I'm here, I'm always by your side. And I just want you to be happy Zi" he stated in a soft voice. He brushed his thumb across her cheek and then after a moment of just staring down at her he leant down and placed a sweet, gentle kiss to her lips. It was enough to justify to her that he was there for her but not enough to claim her as his in a deeper capacity. He didn't have that open window of opportunity, after all they were both with someone else and it was unfair to the two people not in this room right now who were heavily involved in this unfolding situation that had emerged in this late evening.

He stood back and let his hands fall from the side of her face. He wasn't making her choose right then and there, he wasn't forcing her into anything, he wasn't putting her in any unnecessary pressure. If her heart wanted her to stay with Ray she would, he would accept that. And if her heart wanted him? He'd be there, forever he would be waiting if that's as long as she needed.

As she watched him leave the bar she didn't order another drink. It's not good to drink alone. And all she wanted to do was go home and crawl into her bed -which was of course empty because Ray was never home when she wanted him to be- and think. She didn't want to waste any more time. She had to make a decision and choose _who _was right for her and what she wanted, needed in her life.


	4. Chapter 4

She knows that things could go south if she goes over there tonight. He's been acting normal like nothing even happened in the bar a week ago and she knows that if she's alone with him she'll be tempted to ask him why that is. He invited her over, said they should catch up and grab dinner and a movie together, maybe even a beer or two. Like this was a few weeks ago, before he'd tried to confess his love and want for her a week ago.

But could she really say no? To something she found so comfortable? She always loved her time spent with him out of work and even though things might have become blurry between them because they don't know what direction they are heading in, she just cannot say no to his companionship.

She reaches his door and knocks before she decides to back out and go home, because she doesn't really know what to expect tonight. When he answers the door in his very casual sweatpants and a t-shirt and his smile lights up her mood immediately, she knows that she was right in coming tonight. It would just be like every other movie night they've had. There's no harm in sharing that with your partner, right?

He greets her warmly and it's sort of unexpected because they haven't talked on a huge personal level in anything more than their casual banter at work since the night in the bar. She greets him back in the same cheerfulness and she walks into his apartment.

"Make yourself at home" he stated, smiling at her as he headed into the kitchen. He's always been extremely comfortable with her in his home. She takes off her coat and walks into the lounge where the television is playing quietly and she knows that he's been sat in front of it since he got home from work. Her eyes flicker around his apartment and she can't help but wanting to be nosy.

She knows he's still with EJ -even though they haven't been out or seen each other in two weeks- she's curious to see if there are reminisce of _her_ in his home. She can't seem to see anything, what does get to her though was that fact she herself was expressed more noticeably in his home. You might not notice if you didn't know they weren't his things but the few books next to his movies on the shelf were hers, a few of the movies he doesn't really like, The Sound of Music for example, on his DVD shelf are actually hers but she stores them here because she hardly ever watches movies at home, she always watches them with him.

There's a few scented candles over his fireplace on the shelf that she brought for him because she hates the smell when he's had his old college buddies over the night before to watch a game. It smells like sweaty men, fatty fried chips, alcohol and just an indefinable odor. She knows it's not him who smells, but she cannot say so much for his friends' cleanliness.

There were a few other little things that you wouldn't know were her influence unless you were him. Also the team pictures that covered the rest of the shelf above his fireplace showed just how much the team meant to him. And the fact he had more pictures of her than anyone else, made her understand she meant more than the others in a _different_ sort of way, not that he would ever admit that. Catching her eye though was the picture from Paris, she's always loved that picture. It meant more to her the fact that it was his 'favourite picture'.

"You can sit down you know? That's what 'make yourself at home' means, being comfortable" he smiled at her as he walked into the lounge with two beers in hand. She hadn't realized she'd fallen into a dream haze until his words broke her thoughts.

"I was just thinking" she smiled back as he handed her one of the beers and they both took a set on the couch.

"I ordered us some pizza, shouldn't be too long" he stated and she nodded at him. She was glad he chose not to ask her what she had been thinking about. There was a airy silence that hung between them in that moment as he flipped through television channels, but she knew it was only because they were nervous on broaching a topic conversation that they didn't want to happen, like in the bar the other night. Things had _almost _been said that would have complicated things. Things were complicated enough.

When someone knocked at his door he got up and answered it, giving the pizza boy a good tip like always. He returned with the pizza box and laid it on the coffee table in front of her.

"Dinner is served" he smiled at her as he took his seat again. She reached out for the box and lifted the lid, the wonderful smell hitting her right away, she then realized she hadn't actually had anything to eat since the snack bar she had for lunch today. When she reached out and took the first piece she felt Tony shuffle closer on the couch next to her as he reached for his own piece. She didn't mind his closeness and it actually made her feel a little more comfortable and relaxed. Maybe this night wouldn't be so tense after all.

She had to hold back her laughter when Tony got at least half of the pizza slice in his mouth first go, like he'd gone without food for weeks. Sometimes his food habits disturbed her but in the end she couldn't express how much that disturbance made her laugh, he -in more than one way concerned- had a big mouth.

"Are you hungry Tony?" she asked and watched him swallow down his food.

"Yeah, starving. I haven't eaten since like eleven this morning" he replied, taking another large bite. She could relate. Their job wasn't the easiest to work a normal eating schedule around.

When he turned the movie on she couldn't help but smile, he would get so excited. It was like he had no troubles and he escaped the nightmare that was his heart, that he didn't have all these problems to deal with. She had a feeling that movies were his way to escape things, that he could be free of thoughts in the two hours the little DVD gave him of happy, exciting and sometimes unrealistic ways of life. But Hollywood has its own rules when it came to how life really is.

And he must have felt her eyes on him because he turned his head and smiled across at her. A real smile.

"So you didn't have anything to do with your night in the end then?" he asked, she was more interesting than any movie in his eyes.

"I might have" she grinned. And he knew she was lying but he played along.

"Then what are you doing here with me at my apartment watching a movie?" he grinned right back. Why was it so easy for them to fall back into an ease when so much is going on and things were complicated between them? Whatever it was she didn't want to think about, because she was happy like this, with him.

"Because you are my friend" she whispered. It gave him memories of the time they watched the pirate movie at work, he remembers what she said then. Would it be the same reply she gave him now?

"Really?" he asked. Just like last time. There was a twinkle in her eye as she smiled at him.

"Yes" she stated. She didn't lie and say her date cancelled like last time. But what he didn't expect was the next thing she said.

"You are a very good friend" she added. Sometimes he does wish that they were more than friends but that was a complicated road if they were to take it. Maybe they would one day because the things that happened last week weren't nothing, the things said and wanted to be said.

"You are too" he replied, smiling at her. She made him happy without even trying, sometimes it gave him heart palpitations because he was that light and excited on the inside when she smiled at him like that, said things like that. He'd only just realized but Ziva had shifted closer to him on the couch, she was almost touching him.

Something in her eyes softened a little more and she reached out and placed her hand in the middle of his chest, next to his heart.

"I know you'll always be there for me" she said quietly. He wasn't sure if she meant he would always be there for her as s friend or that he would always be there waiting for her when she wanted more than friendship from him. It didn't matter what one, because he would always be there for both and if she wanted either, he would give it to her. He slowly lifted his arm and placed it behind her on the couch, his fingers reaching out and playing with the ends of her curls.

"I will, always" he assured her. Her smile was heating his heart more and more and she wasn't letting go of his chest. Before he knew it Ziva was leaning into him and lying her head against his shoulder, shuffling that little bit closer so her body pressed warmly against his side. He brought his arm from the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her closer, so naturally like he'd been doing it with her for years.

She didn't say anything for the rest of the movie -which he had stopped watching a long time ago. All he did was stare down at her, playing lightly with her hair as he thought about how comfortable this was. How much he wanted _this_. This is what he wants with her, a comfortable intimacy, but he wants it to be more than friends. He wonders if he'll ever get that. Right now he has high hopes, she was relaxed and comfortable against him, and he could feel her muscles go slack underneath his hands. She was open and safe around him.

She trusted him.

He wondered if she was this comfortable around Ray, maybe on the outside she was but on the inside she was still cautious. He knows it takes a while for her to fully trust someone, it had taken him about six years. If Ray was treating her right Tony would be slightly happy. He wouldn't have what he wanted –her- but at least she would be treated right and happy with Ray. That's the second best thing he could get.

And just holding her like this made him realize, even though EJ was great, she just couldn't measure up to what he needed. And Ziva was right, he couldn't do this to her, string her along when it's unfair to her because he's not really happy with what they have. EJ deserved someone who would treat her right, someone who could love her. Tony was incapable of loving her, his heart already belonged to someone else and he couldn't help it.

He knows that he's going to have to see EJ tomorrow, finally let her go for once. It'll be hard because she'll be upset, maybe even him too because she had been great and he'd understood her. But he couldn't do this to his heart, his heart was too old and fragile, he shouldn't confuse it by trying to believe that he was able to love someone else when deep down he knew he wasn't.

Ziva falls asleep against him before the movie finishes and he doesn't blame her, lately their hours have been hard and long. And if she has that comfort around him to let herself fall asleep then he is happy to give her that luxury. He's comfortable -well not really his back but he'll get over that- with just sitting here with his arms around her, holding her close. It's a comfort for him because he knows she's right there and here with him. He loves her and he doesn't want to let go, but he knows he will have to.

After about an hour of her sleeping she begins to snore softly and he knows she's in a deep sleep. If any other woman snored he would find it unattractive, but with her it's adorable. There's just something different when it's the person you love.

He doesn't know when it was he followed in her lead and fell asleep too. He just couldn't keep his eyes open any longer because he was tired from the week they had too. He just hoped that when he woke she wouldn't be gone. And when he woke she wasn't gone, she was still right in his arms.

Somehow in the middle of the night they had slouched down on the couch and lay across it. She was wedged in between him and the back of the couch, her hand on his chest and her leg slipped between his ones. He could feel her breath warm against the side of his neck and by the pattern of her breathing he knew she was awake. And the fact she hadn't moved was a good thing, it meant she didn't want to move.

He moved his hand that rested on her lower back up the length of her back, letting her know he was awake –even though she probably already did- and she moved slightly against him, not making any distance between them though. Her hand brushed softly against his chest, fingers moving in little circles.

"I have to go in an hour" she said quietly. Her voice still sounding half asleep, she must not have been awake much longer than him. He didn't mean to when his arm tightened around her slightly, and he knows she noticed.

"Do you have to? You could stay, I'll cook breakfast" he tried, he really didn't what her to go. It just made him realize how hard it was for him to let her go. He felt her sigh against his neck.

"I cannot cancel on Ray, he is flying down to see me" she said softly. Was it normal for Tony's heart to tighten in pain when she said that?

"I guess your boyfriend comes first" he replied, not as nicely as it should have come out. She ignored the tone he used, he was just upset that she was going to leave. To be honest she really wanted to stay and share that breakfast with him, maybe she should think about what wanting that means. She moved and he thought she was going to climb off of him and leave, but she didn't.

He felt her soft fingers creep along his jaw until she held his cheek and she lifted her head to meet his eyes. He was looking away.

"Tony…" she said softly. He knew she wanted him to look at her, and could he really say no? He turned his face and locked his eyes on hers.

"He does not always come first. I do not wish to leave but I have not seen him in a long time and I will not have long to see him, he will be gone before the weekend is over. I see you almost everyday Tony, and next time, next time I will stay, ok?" she explained. Her thumb was softly moving across his cheek and he wondered if she touched and looked at Ray as deeply as this.

"Well can you stay a little longer? Don't leave right now" he said and his eyes pleaded with her. She realized then that when he wanted to tell her he loved her in a bar a week ago he really did mean it. Her fingertips moved and she couldn't help it when they softly ran along his lower lip.

"I wasn't planning on leaving right now" she said softly, staring down at him. Her fingers were soft on his lips and he really wanted to kiss her right now, he couldn't help it when she touched him like that.

"Don't change your mind" he whispered, she'd leant closer to him and he was leaning up to meet her. They shouldn't but they couldn't help it. Her lips pressed against his and his heart was pounding. Her lips were just as soft as they looked and he couldn't get enough, did this ever have to stop? He curled his hand around her back and pulled her closer as she kissed him a little harder, she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

Just before he was going to take it a little further and let his tongue join hers, she pulled back, breathing heavily. When he opened his eyes hers were closed and she softly ran her hand into the side of his hair while she pressed her forehead against his.

"We shouldn't" she whispered, her eyes opening to look into his. His hand played at the hem of her shirt.

"I know" he whispered back. And she was right, they both had someone else and they shouldn't do this, to them. They weren't the type of people to cheat. She sighed against him and her head dropped to the crook of his neck as she lay down against him. Her fingers were in his hair and his hand slipped under the hem of her shirt, resting against the warm and soft skin of her lower back. She didn't stop him either.

They lay like that for the next hour and when she had to leave to go see Ray he didn't want to let go, honestly neither did she. But he did when she managed to loosen his grip on her. And she had to really think, if her feelings were so strong for Tony, and if that morning and last night had taught her anything, was that Tony didn't offer her any false hope, what he offered her was his heart and anything she wanted. He was there for her.


	5. Chapter 5

About ten minutes after she got home Ray was at her door. When she answered it he was smiling at her and she smiled back, it was good to see him. She couldn't help but feel as though the smile he sent her and the feeling Ray gave her, just wasn't like they way Tony did it. How Tony could make her feel. She hugged Ray and he hugged her back. She felt him take a deep breath and wondered why because it wasn't a normal thing he did. But she forgot about it when he pulled back and smiled.

She cooked him breakfast and he was telling her about the things he'd been doing –only the non classified things of course, which wasn't much- and she told him about the last few cases they had and what she'd been doing. She forgot to mention what she and Tony had been going through as of late though. He didn't need to know that. That whole morning she couldn't help her mind drifting to Tony and what had been going on between them.

Could they really make it work if they gave it a shot?

Ray placed his hand on hers.

"Are you alright? You seem distracted?" he asked her. They were sitting at the kitchen bench and she must have zoned out when she'd been thinking about Tony. She was distracted but should she tell him?

"How long do you plan on being an active field agent in the CIA?" she found herself asking. He looked surprised and not ready for that sudden question.

"I don't really know. Is this because I travel a lot?" he asked, his thumb running across her hand.

"Yes, a little bit" she replied, it was more than a little though. She didn't know if she could continue to work at this when he was away so much. It's not what she wanted. And honestly, her heart truly belonged to someone else.

"You know I try stay here as much as I can Ziva, I don't like to be away from you so much either" he stated. Could she really believe he was trying to stay as much as he could? If he was as serious as he leads her to believe wouldn't he transfer to a different part of the CIA, something that doesn't travel? She knows they have the option.

"It's not working, you being away so much" she whispered. His eyes went wide and she could tell his heart rate jumped. He brought his hand to her cheek.

"Ziva baby, where has all this thinking come from?" he asked. His eyes searching hers.

"I realized in the past few weeks that I need someone here for me Ray, I care a lot for you but you are never around and that's what I need, I do not want to come home alone every night" she confessed.

"I am here for you Ziva, as much as I can" he said, she could feel his need to reach out and hold her to him so she couldn't escape him, but he'd done that once and learnt that it wasn't a good idea. She didn't like being controlled like that, pressured, unable to escape. It took her a long time to be able to trust someone so much until they could do that without her freaking out. Only Tony and Gibbs could do that. She shook her head and felt her heart strain.

"It's just not _enough_ Ray, last week I had a tough week because a case got to me more than it should of and it was hard to have the memories of my sister come back. And you weren't there, and I needed you to be Ray, I need someone to be there when I really need it" she stated.

"You have a sister? You never told me that?" Ray asked, surprised. Ziva had forgotten that Ray didn't know about Tali. All that lead her to think was that Tony knew her so much better than Ray did.

"Yes, but that is not my point. I need you around but you cannot be there when I need you" she replied. He brought his hands down and wrapped them around hers.

"I'm here now, you can tell me _now_ and I will listen, I will be here for you" he said, giving her hands a small squeeze.

"It's too late Ray, I've already gotten past it, someone has already helped me get past my memories and move on" she replied. His hands tightened around hers.

"Did you talk to Gibbs?" he asked, he knew she was close to her boss. Ziva shook her head and averted her eyes. Ray _knew_ exactly who she'd gone to now. There was only one other person she would confess such things to and Ray didn't like the thought of that.

"Why'd you have to go to _him_?" Ray asked, distaste in the way he said 'him'. Ziva knows Ray doesn't like Tony because Ray knows how close they are and Ray was jealous that there was more to it then friendship.

"Because Ray, Tony is my best friend and he's _always _there for me. Who am I supposed to go to when you're off somewhere that I don't even know? Do you want me to come home and cry myself to sleep or something?" Ziva asked, slipping her hands from under his. She was upset at Ray now.

"Ziva I didn't mean-" he began but she cut him off.

"There's no one else Ray, I don't care if you do not like him because he's always going to be an important part of my life. If you cannot accept that then maybe this shouldn't continue" she said gesturing between them. At the sudden talk of Tony something flashed in Rays eyes. He was thinking _something_.

"Where were you last night?" he suddenly asked. Ziva looked at him confused, what did he know? What was he thinking?

"Why?" she asked.

"Because I called here last night and you didn't answer, and it looks like you haven't changed since work yesterday" Ray accused. Maybe he was a more observant agent than Ziva thought he was. Ziva also knew there was something he wasn't saying.

"Why does it matter where I was last night?" she snapped. Suddenly mad at his accusing tone.

"Because you smell like _him_" Ray growled out. That's why he'd smelt her when they hugged. Her eyes went wide. Things were starting to get ugly.

"I do not" she replied. Did she really?

"Yes you do Ziva, don't lie to me. Are you sleeping with him?" Ray accused.

"No I am not sleeping with Tony. You cannot accuse me like this Ray" she wasn't sleeping with Tony in the way Ray meant it.

"Then explain to me Ziva, why you smell like him?" Ray asked. His eyebrows raised. He thought she was lying to him.

"I was at his last night, we watched a movie and we fell asleep on the couch" she stated. It was the truth. She could see in his eyes that he didn't believe her.

"That's the most obvious excuse to use Ziva, do you think I'm stupid?" Ray asked. And yes she did, because it was true and he was just blinded by his jealousy. Ziva stood from her chair and stared at him.

"Get out Ray" she snapped. He stood.

"Don't be like that Ziva" he replied, trying to calm her down. He knows he made a mistake. But she won't let him take it back. He tried to bring his hand to her cheek but she turned her face away and took a step back.

"No Ray I mean it. I don't want to see you again, you cannot accept my relationship with him then this isn't going to work. Please just leave and don't come back, this is just not working" she stated. He took a step closer but stopped when she shook her head and glared at him.

"I love you Ziva" he stated.

"I know you don't love me, you're just saying that" she replied. He might love her, but the word doesn't mean as much to him as it does to her.

"I do" he snapped. Upset that she could say he didn't.

"It's just a bunch of words to you Ray, if you really loved me you'd be here everyday when I got home and you know it, if you really loved me you wouldn't accuse me of sleeping with someone else. If you really loved me you wouldn't have given me an empty ring box, it's a false hope Ray. You are not the right man for me Ray, I cannot do this" she confessed. Ray knew she was sort of right and he hated himself for it. He didn't deserve her.

"I've always known your heart belonged to someone else, I just hope he makes you happy" Ray stated, stepping away from her. She knew who he meant.

"I'm sorry Ray. You were good to me and you made me happy but I just have to let you go" she whispered. He nodded.

"Take care Ray, you will find someone" she said quietly. He didn't step away when she approached him and placed a small goodbye kiss to his cheek. He gave her a weak smile.

"I'll see you round" he announced. They both knew that wasn't true, they probably wouldn't see each other again. They would move on.

"Yeah, see you Ray" she said and he turned around and he was gone. She let out a deep breath and sat down on the stool. It did hurt to let him go but it had to be done, she couldn't love Ray like he deserved. Her heart belonged to Tony.

* * *

><p>She ended up having a very quiet weekend, it was meant to be spent with Ray but after breaking things off with him that wasn't likely. She felt like going to see Tony, spending time with him, but she didn't know if she should. Would it have put too much pressure on him if she went over and told him she just broke up with Ray? In the end that's what kept her from going to see him.<p>

Walking into the office early this morning felt good. She had a hot tea in her hands and she'd had a peaceful sleep the night before. She felt as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders now that she had freedom, that if Tony was ready she would have the freedom to finally explore a relationship with him. She wasn't going to think about the negatives, about what could happen if it didn't work, because she wanted it to work. And if you thought positive and really worked on keeping the relationship together, it should work.

Tony walked into the bullpen about half an hour after she had, McGee now being the only one not at work. She knew he would be here soon though. Gibbs, he was off on his first coffee run of the day.

"Good morning Zee-vah" he announced as he entered the bullpen. His smile immediately lighting up her mood even more.

"Good morning Tony, and how was your weekend?" she asked. He dropped his backpack to the ground and slid his draw open while he placed his sig in there. She noticed he was wearing his shoulder holster, he didn't wear it all the time but she wished he wore it more. There was something very attractive about a man in a shoulder holster to her, _especially_ Tony.

"It was ok, I mainly just watched movies by myself. But I went saw EJ briefly, you know, I decided to break things off. You were right, I shouldn't give her that false hope, it's unfair to her. How was your weekend with Ray?" He sounded a bit less happy after explaining how things went with EJ, but just like her situation with Ray, it was the right thing to do. And the discussion of Ray, it wasn't what she really wanted to talk about but she guessed she had to, especially to him.

"Well, my weekend with Ray only lasted a few hours" she said softly. She watched as he frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean?" he asked. His eyes were locked with hers.

"I broke things off with Ray, it just wasn't right, you know?" she said. His mouth was hanging open a little and he just stared at her for a moment before he stood up from his chair and walked over to her desk, he sat down on it right next to her.

"Are you serious?" he asked softly. She nodded at him.

"Yes, it was really unfair when my heart belongs to someone else" she whispered and reached out and placed her hand gently on his knee. He smiled down at her and there was a new sparkle to his eyes. He didn't say anything because there was no need to, they both knew that things between them would start to move forward in a new direction and they would simply follow the path in which it went. He reached out and placed his hand over hers, threading his fingers with hers.

"You know… if we want to do this right it should be started off with a proper date. We've never done that before" he stated, his smile brightening. Was he asking her out on a date? Right now?

"I would like that, very much" she smiled in return.

"I'll pick you up at seven?" he offered.

"Perfect" she replied. He gave her hand a small squeeze before letting it go and standing from her desk. In that moment McGee walked in for the morning and she wondered it Tony had seen him coming. They both greeted McGee cheerfully and McGee produced a smile as he realized that the atmosphere in the bullpen today was happy. It was going to be a good thing if they were stuck on paperwork all day, a bright mood meant an easy and relaxing day stuck in the office.

The smile Tony sent her as he sat down at his desk had her heart fluttering in her chest. The way he looked at her gave her butterflies sometimes. He picked up his phone from the cradle and dialed a number, all the while looking across at her.

"Hi, I'd like to book a table for two at half seven tonight…Yes, that will be great, it's for DiNozzo… Thank you, bye" was his conversation on the phone. She couldn't help her smile broaden.

"You going on a date tonight Tony?" McGee's voice piped up from his side of the bullpen.

"Sure am Probie" Tony replied.

"With EJ?" McGee guessed. Ziva was sure Tony's smile got even bigger.

"Nope" he replied. McGee became confused.

"Who are you going with then?" he asked, intrigued.

"Only the most beautiful woman in the world" Tony replied. Ziva had to hide the blush that tainted her cheeks.


	6. Chapter 6

"You look absolutely beautiful" Tony stated as Ziva opened the door to her apartment, dressed in a black cocktail dress with her hair curled to perfection, a small dab of makeup highlighting her features, finished off in a black pair of heels. God this woman was fantastic. And Tony knew this was the first time she had dressed up like this for _him_, on a personal level. That meant a lot to him.

"Thank you Tony, you don't look so bad yourself" she smiled in return. He was wearing one of his favorite deep navy blue suits, a crisp white dress shirt underneath with the top two buttons undone, and his best Italian shoes. She'd never told anyone but she loved it when he went without the tie and left his shirt open like that.

"You ready to go?" he then asked. When she nodded at him he extended his arm out to her, in his hand he had a single rose. She smiled and gathered the flower in her hand, she wasn't a real sucker for flowers but right now -mainly because it was from him- the gesture made her heart speed up. It was touching.

After she had the flower in her hand his other hand pointed out down the hallway out of her apartment.

"After you" he smiled. She closed her door and walked past him, a huge smile gracing her features and it was only the first few minutes of their date. As they walked down the hallway he followed very close behind her and she clutched the flower to her chest.

"I think I know why you're so popular with the ladies if you treat them like this on a date" she stated, teasing him a little.

"Yeah, but they don't all get flowers. That's only for the special ones" he smiled back, sending her a wink. She chuckled lightly as the walked into the elevator.

He drove her to a small street somewhere in Maryland and the street didn't look like one that held any restaurants, the street was dead of any sort of night life, she wasn't sure where he was taking her. He drove into a car park that had a handful of cars but when they got out she still didn't see any restaurant on the street.

"Tony, where are we going?" she asked, slightly confused.

"Don't worry Ziva you will see, this way" he chuckled lightly and his hand went to her lower back, directing her to a door that had an illuminated sign above it that read 'West Orange'. She had no idea what this place was but from the outside it looked like one of those upstairs strip clubs.

"You're not taking me to some dance club or something are you?" she asked, making sure. He opened the door and there was a flight of stairs in front of them.

"No, of course not" he stated, letting her take the stairs ahead of him "That's not until a few dates yet" he said and she didn't have to look behind her to see that jokers smirk on his face. It made her laugh none the less. When she reached the top of the stairs she opened the door there and walked in. What she saw almost took her breath away. This was definitely not a club of any sort.

It was a smaller looking restaurant but it was beautiful. One side of the restaurant was simply windows, looking over Maryland into DC and you could see the lights from all the buildings and street posts. The place had tables scattered throughout, circle tables with white tablecloths, tall candlesticks in the middle of the table with dark wooden chairs surrounding them. There were only a few people here tonight and she guessed that this was one of those places you just had to know about to know its here.

The walls of the restaurant were white and grey stone and the roof had large wooden beams running along the building. The floors where tiled and the atmosphere was amazing. You couldn't see the kitchen and it gave the restaurant a particular romantic vibe. She felt like she was in Europe again, it just had that sort of feeling to it and she couldn't get enough of it.

A waiter came over to them and Ziva could hear a small French accent to him when he spoke in English. When Tony told him the reservation name the man took them to a table right next to one of the large windows. Taking their seats Ziva turned to Tony once the waiter had left after giving them their menus.

"Tony, this place is amazing, it's so beautiful" she whispered, looking around the room again. He smiled at her.

"I knew you'd love it, the first time I came here I actually thought of you when I saw it" he smiled. Was there a slight pink to his cheeks right now?

"Who did you come here with the first time?" she asked.

"Um some girl, I don't really remember it was so long ago" he replied, feeling a bit guilty. But he saw a smile on her face. It wasn't like he had to hide who he used to be, she knew well who he _used _to be.

"You do not remember who you went on the date with but you do remember that you thought about me when you saw this place?" her smile only increasing. There was definitely a bit of color to his cheeks.

"Well yeah, it's _you_" he replied. Like that meant everything in the world, and it did. To her that meant everything, that simple statement meant so much.

* * *

><p>Ziva's laughter filled the air and he only smiled more.<p>

"You really think I can fit dessert in as well?" she asked. She was so full from the main course that she didn't think his offer to get dessert was serious.

"Well we can share, and if you cannot eat much I will help you out" he stated. There was something about her smile tonight, the way it lit up the whole room.

"Of course you will" she grinned, looking down in the direction of his stomach.

"Hey, no cheep shots at my love handles" he stated, pretending to be hurt.

"Love handles?" she chuckled, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, that's right" he replied. This would have to be one of the best dates he's ever been on. Maybe it was just because it was with _her_.

"Well, I may have to test these 'love handles' later on" she replied, giving him a playful wink. He likes the sound of that, very much.

"Is that an offer?" he asked, playing along.

"Only if you're a good boy" she stated. Smirking. Maybe it was the wine they had shared that had them acting all bubbly, maybe it was just the way they were with each other when they didn't hold back. Tony knows he would never have this much fun on a date with anyone. They just didn't get him like Ziva did.

"I assure you I have been behaving myself tonight" he replied.

"Are you sure?" she played right back.

"Yes" he smiled.

"Well if you are so sure, how about you go order us some of that chocolate cake thing?" she grinned. He had to chuckle at that.

* * *

><p>She ended up eating just as much of the cake as he had, he knew once she tried it she wouldn't be able to stop. She even tried stealing his last piece, but he beat her to it. Right now he was paying for their dinner and she'd gone to hit the head. When she came out and found him waiting for her the smile she had earlier was still plastered on her face. He loved that.<p>

When she reached him and they headed to leave he felt her hand thread into his larger one. He turned his head to look down at her and her smile was soft. He'd never really pictured Ziva as the hand holding type of woman, but he was glad that right now she was. Anyway he could that meant holding onto her, holding her close, he loved.

They got to her apartment building and he parked outside, making sure to park somewhere that he could stay overnight. There was a silent invitation for him to stay. Normally if he was going about such an important relationship with someone he wouldn't have sex on the first date, but Ziva she was so different. When that person you're serious about is your partner and you've loved them for a very long time, you've known them for so much longer than that, sex on the first date was acceptable.

They've held back long enough over the years –they both know it's something they have wanted to share for a very long time- it's inevitable that when they finally have a go at having a relationship more than friends that it would happen sooner rather than later.

And when her lips lock onto his in the elevator he cannot help but kiss her back. They stumbled their way down the hallway until they got to the door of her apartment, they didn't get much further than that, they didn't even make it into her apartment yet. He'd pressed her against her door, not willing to let her go yet to find her keys and then unlock the door. She didn't seem to mind because her lips were hungry against his and she pressed her body into his that much more.

He ran his hands down the sides of her body until he reached her hips, he brought his hands around to her bottom where he pulled her even closer and gave her a gentle squeeze. The hum that went into his mouth from her was a sign of her obvious approval at the movement. He felt her fingers move their way across his chest until she found the buttons on his top and began undoing them. She'd got as far as two more buttons until she stopped what she was doing, stopped moving her fingers, stopped kissing him.

He didn't know what she was up to but he just moved his mouth down to her neck, lost in the moment.

"Tony" she stated. He continued to kiss that soft caramel skin on her neck and he felt her hands go to his exposed chest.

"Hmm?" he hummed against her. Then he felt a tug on his short chest hair, one that wasn't meant to be pleasurable. He pulled back and looked her in the eyes, he realized now that when she said his name five seconds ago she had been warning him of something. He heard the 'ding' of the elevator at the end of her hall and realized someone was coming up to their floor, and only Ziva had been paying enough attention to realize the elevator was moving. He certainly hadn't been.

He didn't have time to step away from where he pressed her against the door by the time he'd caught on to what was happening and one of Ziva's neighbors came strolling out of the elevator. It was Mrs Kay the elderly lady that lived a few apartments down from Ziva. When she saw the two of them she jumped in slight surprise and Tony pulled back slightly, but not too far because he knew his shirt was gaping open and he didn't know how well Mrs Kay would take that.

"Hello Ziva" the old lady announced as she slowly began walking down the hallway once her initial shock had passed of seeing the two people in the hallway.

"Oh and is that Anthony I see?" she said, moving her glasses that rested on her head to her eyes so she could see better.

"Yes, hello Mrs Kay" Tony replied, trying not to show his embarrassment of being caught by the older woman.

"I see you two have not been working tonight" Mrs Kay smiled as she motioned to their dress wear. When Tony looked at Ziva he could see her cheeks had gone pink.

"Not tonight, we have been out for dinner" Ziva found herself replying and the old woman smiled.

"Well I hope your date was nice, it seems as though it was" she said, motioning to their closeness this time. Ziva had hoped she hadn't really noticed, apparently she had, and then some because the woman somehow knew their dinner had been a date.

"But I think you should take the rest of your night inside, I saw Mrs Wallace pull into the garage when I was getting into the elevator and you know how much of a witch that woman is, she won't be too fond of finding the two of you making out in the hallway" Mrs Kay stated, giving them a wink before continuing in her trek down the hallway. Ziva felt Tony laugh against her at Mrs Kay's statement and she had to give him a small poke in the gut before he got out of control. She felt like laughing as well, but that was beside the point.

"Goodnight Mrs Kay" Ziva called out. Mrs Kay waved her hand in the air.

"You too, enjoy your night" she said grinning almost. It wasn't hard for the old woman to guess what was going to happen between them tonight and Ziva had to wonder just what the old woman was like when she was younger. Ziva would have liked her.

Tony seemed to be eager to get inside by the way his hands began to fumble with her tiny purse that hung around her shoulder, looking for her keys. She chuckled and pulled the purse from his hands, finding her keys in an instant. As soon as they got a step into her apartment he had her in his arms again, almost as if he'd already forgotten about the amusing incident in the hallway just then. But things held his interest a lot more than Ziva's quirky old neighbor, things like her for instances.

She didn't know how they had made it to the bedroom, all she knows is they had in the end and he'd dropped them both on the mattress. They both had no hesitation in what happened next. They had been waiting for it for long enough.

* * *

><p>When she woke she'd only been asleep for half an hour at the most. She could feel that he was still awake –and naked- beneath her. His hand drifted up and down her bare back in a relaxing movement. She realized when it happened earlier that what they had was not just simple sex, but love. There would be other times when they would explore and push themselves until they couldn't feel their limbs, tonight however had been about love. What they meant to each other.<p>

"Are you not tired?" Ziva asked quietly. She felt Tony take a deep breath from beneath her.

"Yeah, I was just thinking" he said just as quietly. She lifted her head off his chest and looked up at him. He was smiling softly down at her.

"What is on your mind?" she asked. He brought his hand up to the side of her cheek and caressed it with his thumb.

"Just that this is finally happening, that I am finally doing something right in my life" he stated. His words gave her butterflies, she was the thing that was _right_ in his life.

"Thank you Tony" she found herself whispering.

"What for?" he asked. His eyes were soft as they looked down at her.

"For tonight, for one of the best nights of my life" she replied. He smiled.

"It's only the beginning of what is to come Zi. I'm not going to waste anymore time, every opportunity I get with you I'm going to take. Because you deserve it Ziva, you deserve to be loved" he stated. He saw the way her eyes twinkled as they became slightly glassy and she leant down and pressed a loving kiss to his lips.

"You deserve to be loved too Tony" she whispered against his lips. They'd both had it unfair when it came to love in their life, whether it is from lovers or their family, their fathers. They both deserved to have the love of someone who truly cared about them. And that's what they now had.

She leant her head back against his chest and his arms curled around her as his face buried into her curls. They would no longer be like ships in the night, it was time for them to come into port and go home to the one they loved each night. They would always be there for each other, not matter what. And no matter who judged them on what they shared, they didn't care, they would still love each other. In the end what matters more than the one you love?

* * *

><p><strong>This was the last chapter of this story, so thank you all so much for reviewing and adding this to your favourites. Don't be surprised if Costi inspires me to write another story to one of her videos :) <strong>

**As always all of you that read my stories mean the world to me. **

**Hundan **


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